Episode 3 - Relationships
three 30+ women, mothers sit in a pub garden at night
In the third episode of the F**king Normal Podcast, we discuss Relationships, whilst parenting a disabled child.
Our guest is Vicky- a divorced, single-parent, domestic violence survivor and former disabled-parenting-dater.
Click here to access the full transcript of this episode
Vicky’s wonderful son has an array of diagnoses, including Lissencephaly- a rare brain malformation, which causes profound disability in all areas of his life. He’s also blind, has uncontrolled epilepsy, is non-verbal, a wheelchair user and is now tube-fed.
We discuss the lows of living with an abusive ex-partner, to the highs of Vicky and her disabled child’s ‘little love bubble’, with some dating stories, relationship thoughts, general ‘tittle tattle’ and hard won wisdom, along the way.
Vicky is sharing her story as, sadly, there are undoubtedly some listeners in a similar boat- currently living in toxic and abusive relationships. She hopes that this podcast will give hope that there is a shiny, bright, new chapter for those listeners and their children.
Whilst it’s ultimately a happy ending, with a discussion about the much broader topic of relationships and dating, with a disabled child in the mix- this episode does contain a TRIGGER WARNING, for those who may be affected by domestic violence. If this isn’t for you- please feel free to skip this episode or return at a later date, when you’re in a different head space.
Trigger and Content Warnings
Domestic abuse, violence, toxic relationships & stalking.
Birth Stories
Diagnosis
Not suitable for little ears
Language - lots of swearing, mentions of drinking alcohol and sex.
Disclaimers
In the interests of privacy, all names, dates and places have been changed. Any similarities in life or death are purely coincidental.
Guest Biography
Vicky is the mum to Xander. In this episode, she discusses Relationships with Rina and Lauren.
Vicky’s son has an array of diagnoses, including Lissencephaly- a rare brain malformation, which causes profound disability in all areas of his life. He’s also blind, has uncontrolled epilepsy, hypotonia, is non-verbal, a wheelchair user and is now tube fed.
Prior to having Xander, Vicky worked in marketing and company turnarounds, for some well-known brands. Her favourite job was managing Ben & Jerry’s, as she turned the brand Fairtrade, worked with an ace team and ate ice cream all day. Amongst her not-so-favourite jobs, she counts the Japanese launch of the Dove Firming campaign, although the perks of free moisturiser and flying in helicopters seem somewhat more glamorous than today’s consultancy and disabled child- parenting reality.
That said, Vicky describes Xander as her finest, yet toughest, boss, ever. He’s taught her more than she could ever imagine.
She’s convinced that being a parent of a disabled child requires a similar skill set to company turnarounds, although the working hours are far more outrageous, due to Xander’s nightly seizures.
Vicky also fundraises for a disabled children’s charity and a domestic abuse organisation, which previously helped Xander and her, when they most needed it. She is ever-grateful to them, and to the NHS, for their incredible work and care of Xander. She hopes that one day, the government will start to adequately fund them, so that fundraising is no longer required for their essential services.
Resources
Domestic Violence Charities - these charities helped Vicky and Xander when they most needed it. They are there to help, please make contact if you are experiencing abuse of any kind.
Womans Aid
Telephone: 0808 200 0247 (24hours)
Email: helpline@womensaid.org.uk (response within 3 working days phone for urgent enquiries)
National Domestic Violence Helpline
Website: www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk
Telephone: 0808 200 0247 (24hours)
Email: info@refuge.org.uk
Website: www.refuge.org.uk
Stalking Helpline
Our podcast is focussed on the experience of us as parents of disabled children and how we navigate our world, we don’t attempt to educate our listeners on our children’s conditions. However, we would like to encourage self motivated education and if you would like to find out more about the conditions mentioned in this episode please find links below:
Lissencephaly Foundation;
